Tug of War

The stress and tension are real. My shoulders and body feel it. I'm trying to learn how to let it go...

The tug of war is not easy. When do I speak? When do I remain silent? When do I care? When do I "let it go?"

I know one thing... I'm always supposed to forgive.

Friday was Yom Kippur. The day you ask for forgiveness. The day you throw your sins and weights into the sea. The day you know that God has taken care of it all and that your wrong doings are thrown away.

And yet - Friday was the day that my heart broke even more. That my anger and frustrations were put to the test - again. This whole weekend I have been walking around telling myself to "let it go, God's got it." I've been saying in my head, "It's alright. Don't let it bother you." I'm telling myself to be, "happy and thankful for what others are experiencing."

The injustice and selfishness of this world overwhelms me and hurts me. The fact that people cannot respect the choices of others blows my mind. The fact that people just don't care about others feelings or want to understand how their actions affect others.

It's hard to see people responding to hard discussions as if they don't really care. Their lives continue and yours is left... Or maybe you can't even have the hard discussion because you know it won't be received, so you stuff your emotions inside and try to "let it go."

Maybe it's what I've been through that has caused me to care too deeply. And caring too deeply has its own affects that causes others to care less because they think I'm in my feelings too much. The cycle is real. When you care too much it hurts...

So, today I sit and write this as I drink my morning coffee. I reflect on how to let anxiety go. I process how to "forgive when you can't forget." It is a daily process. Some days it is easier than others. Some days you want to throw the towel in and run away to a place in the woods with no one around. Other days you realize that would be a lonely place to be.

Father - help me look to YOU and only you today. Help me LOVE when you tell me to love. Help me to LET GO of the things that entangle me. Help me sing YOUR praise and LOOK UP.

Micah 7:19

He will again have compassion on us,

he will subdue our iniquities.

You will throw all their sins

into the depths of the sea.

Thank you God for having compassion on me. Thank you for walking with me through everything. Help me know when to speak, and when to stay silent.

Love and blessings,

Rose